Where is the carefree and not bothering about so much things V? Where is all the self esteem she had, and never cared about what the consequences? Where I could not be bother about $$ issues and having problems controlling my feelings. Holding back my feelings, holding back my tears and fight back to anything that comes in your way?
Truth is, I can't hold it longer.
My walls for self esteem went down. I could never think ' I can do it ' anymore. It's either, ' am I doing it the correct way? Sure about doing it? Um I don't think I can manage it anymore. '
I don't know what to do with life. Sigh.
My work is actually killing me. Getting scolded for nth at all. And even when its not my fault, it is still my fault. Wtf is that. Sigh. I need somewhere to relax, somewhere that I could actually let loose my hair and enjoy the breeze. I wanna go for some beach resorts and have fun there.
Met this new friend, J. He is extremely nice to me but till yesterday. Sigghhh. I flare at some nonsensical things. :( I feel extremely bad and guilty for the things I said to him and giving him attitude. He treats me really good!!!! SIGH :( Why am I always like this. Really gotta FUCK MY LIFE. Sigh.
Truthfully say, I do miss him as a friend. Haven't had fun ( I mean fun is really fun with laughter ) for a long time. :( Or maybe its just me with my work. Anyway I just text him so I pray PRAY he will reply me soon.
Ok I'm leaving the office now.
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