This is for you :

I haven't talk to you since, last year. Thought I tried to talk to you. You didn't actually respond well. We barely actually talk up to 10 sentences this year. I would really want to know what happen, but I doubt things will be the same.

Cause, things isn't the same after what happen last year.

If I said I miss you, will you think I am saying the truth? I miss calling you when I am up, asking you for breakfast/lunch at market. I miss going to Kovan with you just to have lunch. Having Sakae with you. All this little things, I miss them so much.

But now, I could barely have them anymore.

I don't mean not to appreciate what you do. But sometimes, we have different mindset. I know I got to learn to grow up, learn to behave. ' Once bitten twice shy'. I learnt the hard way. I lost 2 boys who mean so much to me at 1 go. I got to get up on my own, clean my own wound, even when it hurts I got to bear with it on my own.

Though i wasn't good at it, but somehow, I manage it on my own.

So this is for you. I miss you even how much you didn't like the way I do things, how I manage my own love life. Cause this is me. It's just me, being Varron.

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Life is cruel. The world is cruel. But if you look it at a different perspective, it's totally different. You will want to archive something that is so impossible. People tell you, it's so impossible to do that. But you are possible.

Nothing is impossible. If you will try your best to archive it. Proven.

I didn't want to let the past go, it was so dear to me. But 1 day, reality hit me hard. How long am I going to wait for him? He didn't want to contact me, and here I am such a pathetic fuck waiting for nothing. Nothing at all. So I picked myself up, and open up. I was under a rock for almost a year.

So for those who are still under that love fuck shit, get out of there. Screw the old ones, cause you'll never know the new ones are way better. I might be just saying and in your mind would be like, 'fuck, varron say until like so easy... ask her try la.' I've been there done that. I healed on my own. And I don't believe in shit saying 'time heal everything'. It's just a matter whether do you want to let it go. Even God gives you 100000000 years and your mind is still mindfucking on its own, you will still never let it down. Cause it's you, you give yourself that will power.

Yes, the first months would be painful. Really. You'll miss her/his texts, her/his calls, her/his face, being so close to tgt. You miss her/his presence. But once you grew out of it, get up on your own. 'No 1 could help you, if you don't help yourself.' This is what Joelle told me, 1 of my very good girlfriend. Who is there when I am down.

I admit, I still do have the unwilling to let it go feeling of the memories, but memories are memories. They don't give you food, they don't give you comfort. Sometimes, they give you nightmares, they give you pain.

But they still remains as, Memories.

Tml will be the first day of my work. I'm pretty nervous and afraid. Nervous is I'm afraid the people ain't that friendly like during dinner! :( Afraid, I'm afraid K & I don't spend enough time tgt. :( So hopefully every weekend belongs to us. So pls, 5 days job!

I miss my muscles disorder face baby. :)